"It takes a village to raise a child." We have all heard this politically correct phrase. To me it
sounds nice but ambiguous. What constitutes a "village" for our children? Better yet, how do we become
that "village"? A few weeks ago, Melissa Long Smith asked if I would write a column for the newsletter.
Since that time I have been wrestling with what to write about first. Inspiration and focus came from that
same meeting, an Action Learning meeting. Action Learning is a forum for parents of children with special
needs to come together, share our concerns and strive to form appropriate questions and possibly find
an answer or two.
Each of us came to the first meetings focused on our individual child's needs and our own
concerns. As we shared our concerns, our knowledge and our experiences the questions no longer
belonged to an individual parent. They belonged to all of us. A group of strangers, casual acquaintance
and friends became a community, a village.
Why? Why should it be important to me that another parent is having trouble finding
information about health issues? Why should it be important that the schools provide the best possible
education in the least restrictive environment for a child with special needs? Why should it be important
to me that another parent feels alone? It is important because we are all part of the same whole. We are
part of the same world, the same county, and the same village. By helping to make each part healthier and
function to the best of its ability the whole village functions better.
This is all nice and good but it still does not answer the primary question of what does it mean
to be a village for our children? This will be the focus of my column, should Melissa decided to let me
write again.
As when proving mathematical theories, I will look at the opposite. What constitutes a failure
to establish a village? What do we want to prevent? At the most basic level, we need each person to
know that she is not alone and do not have to face the problems alone. Recently a woman in Columbus
died at home and her death went unnoticed for three weeks. As a result, her handicapped adult son was
found dead from dehydration. She did not have someone checking on her and her son. Her son would be
alive today if there had been a good village of support.
Everyone needs a "checker", someone who would notice if something were not right. Who is
your checker? Do you call someone regularly to make sure that person is alive and healthy? Is there
someone who needs a checker? Simple things such as a two-minute phone call can make the difference
between life and death for someone.
My son Gabriel has many obstacles to overcome. He needs occupational therapy, speech
therapy, and an educational system with a strong understanding of sensory integration and autism. In
as much as he needs therapy, he also needs to be surrounded by a strong community. He needs people
who love and accept him and his disability. He needs people he runs to hug when he sees them. Â He
needs people who would ensure his survival should something happen to his parents
We can't answer every question or solve every issue parents of children with disabilities
face. We can offer each other support, understanding and the knowledge that we are not alone in this.
We are a village.
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